almostforever

Almost Forever

By

Travelling One

EMAIL: travelling_one@yahoo.ca

WEB: http://www.travellingone.com

SUMMARY: Uncontrollable circumstances lead Daniel to leave the SGC.

CATEGORY: Drama, angst, adventure

DISCLAIMER: The theme and main characters have been borrowed from the Stargate SG-1 tv series, and are copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. This story has been written for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: The ongoing, actual excavation project mentioned within was manipulated to suit the story's needs. All details and characters are fictional.

05/18/01

The team casually stepped through the event horizon with Jack in the lead, followed by Teal'c, Daniel, and Sam. Facing an area of palm trees and rolling, green hills, a storybook scene rendered complete with the clear blue skies overhead, a low whistle escaped Jack's lips before he grinned.

Golden-haired dark-skinned children, who had been playing just a few metres away, gaped at the group that had just disembarked from the metallic ring, and suddenly fled down the sandy pathway, disappearing into the hillside as if a mirage of nature.

"Well …can't say that I'll complain too much if Daniel finds some friendly… hieroglyphs to keep us here for a few days," Jack remarked cheerfully as he strode down the polished pink and black-specked steps of the Stargate. "What d'ya think, Danny? That Sunquest brochure up to par?" Getting no response from anyone behind him, Jack turned around to see Teal'c and Carter staring wide-eyed at Daniel.

Major Carter, caught off-guard by the sight before her, was the first to regain her composure. "…Daniel…?" she began with trepidation. "Are you okay?"

Daniel wasn't about to respond. He heard Sam, wondering what had provoked her worry, but no, come to think of it, he wasn't feeling okay…he was quite dizzy, actually…lightheaded, tingling, and he felt himself falling …on his hands and knees now, waiting for the thick grayness in his head to evaporate. Sam was beside him in a moment, and Daniel sensed the presence of the others around him, trying to help him …why?

"Daniel?" he may have heard his name again. "Oh my god."

As his head began to clear, his vision fighting to return to normal, Daniel attempted to sit up. He seemed unable to move, as though extreme gravity were weighting the creases of his clothes and sucking him towards the center of the Earth.

"What the …hell …? Don't pull, Daniel, you'll hurt yourself." Jack. That was Jack. Why did he sound so weird?

Daniel's vision was focussing now. His eyes narrowed as he saw what the others had been witnessing. His left hand, up to the wrist where he had fallen, was immersed… embedded…trapped… within the hard, cold, polished granite of the Stargate platform. The rock itself was undisturbed; no cracks, no chips nor even dust, to attest to any unusual occurrence.

There were hands on his shoulders, quiet voices, disturbed, concerned.

"How the hell did this happen?" Then, "Can we …chop him out?"

"With what, sir?"

"I shall return to the SGC to procure equipment, O'Neill."

"Maybe these people have tools, sir."

"Right, Carter. Go ask the locals, in English, to lend you tools to cut your fellow space traveller out of a step he just happened to get stuck in while arriving through the metal ring in their…"

"I get your point, sir."

"…park. So is this a characteristic of this material, ya think?"

"No, sir. This looks pretty much like regular granite, even the feldspar and mica are clearly visible and nearly identical to what we have on Earth. It's completely solid. I think we're dealing with a physical reintegration anomaly, Colonel, created by the wormhole's propulsion mechanisms."

Jack wasn't sure what he was hearing, but it didn't sound like a good thing. "But he'll be okay…?"

"As long as the structure of the rock has been proportionately displaced, and the molecular structure of Daniel's hand hasn't reintegrated as part of the stairway, sir. If it has…" The implication remained unvoiced, as the colonel's eyes narrowed.

What? Daniel was trying harder to focus. His hand might be part of the step now? But this was crazy; how could this happen?Don't let me lose my hand, Sam…

"Daniel, how are you feeling?"

"Daniel?"

Daniel, distanced from the words floating around him, realized an answer was expected of him. The shock began to fade, as he looked into Sam's concerned eyes, saw his teammates crouching there, staring at him. "I'm … I think I'm feeling okay, now. Better."

"Your hand, Daniel…does it hurt?" the grimace on Sam's face indicated the empathy she was feeling.

"It's, mm … no …it's numb, but there's no pain, I can't really feel anything," Daniel responded.

"Did you see him flickering?" Jack began hesitantly, as if his eyes had been deceiving him.

"Yes sir, as though he wasn't fully reintegrating when he came through the gate," Sam agreed.

"As did I," Teal'c confirmed.

"Carter??" Jack wanted some explanation, and Sam was the best choice to give one.

"I have no idea, sir. Something in the transport connection malfunctioned."

"Or something on this planet?" Jack wondered aloud.

"I can't imagine what, Colonel. It happened even as Daniel was stepping out of the wormhole; I was right behind him. It had to have been the reintegration itself…" Suddenly Sam's eyes grew wide. "Oh god!" she exclaimed.

"Major?" The outburst had Jack worried.

"The Philadelphia experiment, sir!"

Jack shrugged slightly, eyes holding steady with her own. "Sounds familiar."

"1943, sir," she began. "The navy supposedly did tests on invisibility and teleportation, using the USS Eldridge, a destroyer escort. The ship was said to have disappeared from the dock in Philadelphia, appearing in Virginia moments later."

Jack was not comprehending. "And this relates to Daniel …how?"

"When it reappeared, it was rumoured that some of the crew were embedded in the deck …. And later, at least one crew member was said to have gotten stuck inside a wall …in his own cabin, sir, in front of four people including his wife and child!"

Teal'c and Jack were both staring at her. Daniel was just trying to raise his head.

"The Stargate, Colonel; we get transported from one place to another in much the same way. Something within that wormhole must've interfered with Daniel's physical reintegration!"

"Okay. Carter, go back with Teal'c and get help to get Daniel out of here. Danny and I will just… wait here." He looked at Daniel, who seemed to be having trouble concentrating on what was going on. His eyes were dark, his features tensed. Jack bent down closer to him, hand on his shoulder, as Major Carter went to dial home.

"Daniel, down." Jack gently guided the stunned man towards the ground, and lay flat beside him, right arm across Daniel's back, as the dial began to rotate. He did not want his dazed friend to sit up suddenly before the wormhole fully engaged. The vortex splashed outwards, over the heads and backs of the two prone teammates.

_______________

It had seemed like hours to the two men who sat in silence, one sullenly trapped within a solid stretch of granite, the other pondering what this would mean in the long-run, but forty-five minutes later, after another duck from an engaging vortex, they breathed a sigh of relief as an SG crew of three technicians and one medic, followed by Sam and Teal'c, finally strode through the event horizon, tools in hand. An hour later, with the teammates hovering anxiously, Daniel was nearly freed.

Sam exhaled, smiling with relief. "Looks like your hand is fine, Daniel. Might have to do with the granite being inorganic matter."

Daniel, no longer disoriented or confused, looked at the last bits of polished rock being removed from around his hand, thankful at least that he hadn't fallen flat on his face. The thought scared the hell out of him, making him shudder.

"Okay kids, we're going back with the others to get this figured out. Ready?"

"Wait, Jack," Daniel countered calmly, flexing his fingers to release the numbness. "We're here, I'm feeling fine now. Shouldn't we at least have a look around?"

Jack studied his friend for a moment. "Carter?"

"Sir…I don't know. If we stay here, this might happen again. If it's anything like that 1943 incident, what just happened to Daniel could recur at any moment."

"Okay, so we go back." Jack looked at Daniel with an apologetic tug of his eyebrow.

"On the other hand, Colonel," Sam appeared reluctant to mention this, "if Daniel doesn't have time to recuperate and we go back too soon, what happened to him might happen again as soon as he makes the return trip through the gate. And it might be worse. Cumulative effects…"

"Whoa, Sam…" Daniel thought of another possibility. "What if the effects accumulate no matter how long we wait between trips?"

"Daniel, we can't stay here forever. We have to go back sometime…" Jack was considering the options. "Okay look, I suggest we stay a while, but how long would you say we give it, Carter?"

Sam just stared at him. She had absolutely no idea.

Jack turned to address the members of the departing rescue crew. "Tell the general we'll be coming home in eight hours, barring any recurring problems, in which case we'll be home earlier." He turned back to his team. "Well campers, let's go catch the early movie, shall we? And," he continued lightly, "I think we'd better try explaining to the locals why their step is smashed." He headed off in the beckoning direction of the widest path, stopping once to let his teammates catch up.

As SG-1 wandered through the quaint picturesque village, all inhabitants quickly scattered. No matter who they approached, no one stayed around long enough to get within ten metres of the team. Had the speedy local grapevine issued warnings of flickering gate travellers…? After nearly three hours of wandering, Jack had taken the look on Daniel's face to be one of despair and exasperation, and had called for a leisurely stroll down to the beach to discuss their plans and grab a quick MRE. The coastline was deserted, and the teammates perched themselves down under a large palm.

"Daniel, how're you doing?"

"I feel fine, Jack," Daniel replied, leaning into the base of the tree.

Literally.

"Daniel!" Both Jack and Teal'c grabbed Daniel's arms at the same moment, stopping his body from melting further into the tree trunk. The force of their energy threw them both backwards, Daniel landing on top of the two men. From behind him, Daniel felt Sam grabbing at his shoulders and quickly pulling him off his teammates. She let go at once.

Jack sat up quickly and stretched out a hand to steady his friend. "Daniel…"

"NO, Colonel!" Jack jerked his hand away, and glared at Carter.

"I'm sorry; we can't touch him, sir. We don't know what might happen. If Daniel …blends …into one of us, we won't exactly be able to separate him. When he fell on you, I thought…well, it looked like…" She stopped, the look on her face one of distress and confusion.

No one spoke.

"O-kay... we're outa here. Carter, lead the way back."

_______________

An apprehensive SG-1 team headed back up the steps towards the shimmering wormhole. Daniel was distraught, his gaze avoiding the large hole in the upper platform. Anticipated danger was more frightening to face than unexpected danger, and this time he knew he might be walking into a whole hell of a lot of it. He'd rather not know when something bad might be coming, unless he had some control over the circumstances.

As the team stepped out of the wormhole onto the SCG ramp, all eyes were on Daniel Jackson. Crew and technicians all realized that if the team were returning early, something else must have happened on that planet.

And Daniel felt it happening again.

As the dizziness took over, his teammates were reluctant to grab him and stop his fall, hesitant to risk Daniel's form fusing with their own, and they watched helplessly as Daniel hit the ramp on hands and knees. They stared wretchedly at his arms, both reintegrated now into the double-layered steel grating of their Stargate's ramp, a stunned Daniel immersed and trapped up to his elbows. The grid itself, pressing tightly upon Daniel's arms, appeared undamaged.

"God." Sam whispered. She knelt by her friend.

"What's happening to him?" General Hammond's concerned eyes looked questioningly at Major Carter, expecting answers. A medical team was arriving in the gateroom.

"I don't know, sir. Something like this is said to have happened with a naval experiment back in 1943, it's the only similar occurrence I can think of. The way he was …flickering…it has to be some sort of physical reintegration problem at the molecular level."

The crew had already taken nearly fifty minutes to carefully cut through the metal as close to Daniel's arms as possible. The team sat watching, not knowing what to think, just hoping this would pass and that Daniel would be alright. This would certainly be an interesting debriefing.

_______________

As Daniel entered his office, having showered, changed, and been found to be in perfect physical health after having endured the most intense and lengthy examination he could imagine, he sipped from his cup of hot coffee and sat down at his desk.

"How ya feeling?" a voice asked from the doorway.

"Pretty good, Jack," Daniel grinned placidly. "But I think I'll leave teleportation to Scotty for the time being."

"That is what it looked like, you know. That Star Trekky thingy."

"Electromagnetic warping of space-time coordinates, sir. An off-shoot of Einstein's 'unified field theory', which postulates the connection between electromagnetism and gravity. Transforming matter by controlling energy and light. Although, refracting light gives the illusion of invisibility created by intense EM fields, partial invisibility if the electromagnetic fields are unstable." Sam had pulled into the room behind Jack.

"Yeah …I knew that." Jack threw Carter a halting sideways glance. "Whatever. Danny's okay now."

"Do you believe this will occur again, Major Carter?" Teal'c had followed Sam into the room. "You have not had a great amount of time to investigate the phenomenon."

"I have no idea, Teal'c. I'd say it was just a singular wormhole reaction… except it happened in both directions." Her glance towards Daniel was troubled. "We have people studying the effect now, but apart from some research on negative gravitational fields, there's not much out there that relates to what happened to Daniel."

"Anyway, Daniel," Jack turned cheerfully to his friend, "we came to take you out to eat… my treat at the delectable, wonderful, commissary."

"Wouldn't miss it, Jack." Daniel gave a quick smirk. "But I'll meet you there in about an hour. Just some data I want to finish downloading first."

Daniel hoped a little privacy from the outside corridors would help his shattered concentration. Rising to shut the door a few minutes after his teammates had departed, Daniel was seized by a sudden dizziness, and a wave of nausea enveloped him. He stumbled, hitting the floor hard on his knees. As the room swam, Daniel took deep breaths, keeping his head down. Moments later, as his head began to clear, the sight before him made him cry out in shock. His lower legs, from knee to toes, were both deeply embedded in the concrete floor.

Disbelief and shock clouded any response that should have been forthcoming. Paralyzed by fear, it was several moments before he could even begin to think, which was when he realized he needed immediate help. Daniel's initial reaction was to use the phone … which lay on his desk at least nine feet away. His second was to call for help.

After several minutes without anyone responding, Daniel realized no one was nearby. Damn, does everyone on this base go to dinner at the same time? He was panicking, trapped in his own floor. What was it Sam had said about inorganic matter? He hadn't been listening. Hopefully, they could get him safely out of this mess too. Damn. Damn. How often was this going to keep happening? WHY was it happening?

An impatient and frustrated Daniel waited for his friends to get tired of waiting for him, and come to see what could possibly be more important than a dinner date at the commissary. Daniel just hoped they wouldn't give him too much extra leeway, this was very very uncomfortable, not to mention just as frightening. What would happen to his legs if he stayed like this for too long? Then again, he'd been embedded in the granite platform on P5L 119 for a couple of hours, almost…it was okay, he'd be okay. He had to convince himself of that. Less than an hour …calm down, relax…he could hold on.

_______________

"Oh …crap."

The voice in the doorway told him he'd finally been discovered, and Daniel involuntarily issued a a pained sigh of relief.

An hour and ten minutes later, as the crew was nearly finished hammering and drilling through the solid floor of Daniel's office, SG-1 sat silently observing the procedure, looking drained and uncomfortable. Daniel was pale, and he was visibly shaking from stress as well as from having held his position for so long. He'd been upset, waiting for his friends to come looking for him, just praying he couldn't sink further, and afraid to rest any other part of his body on the floor.

"Why did this only happen to Daniel, Carter? Shouldn't we all be affected?"

"I have no idea, sir. Using this again as a frame of reference, back in 1943 supposedly only a few of the crew members were affected. Maybe it was their proximity to something at the time, like the particle accelerator devices, or the generator. Maybe it was the direction they were facing. Maybe it was their size or weight, even their state of alertness …the possiblities are endless, sir, and there's no way to find out. Either the follow-up tests were classified and destroyed, or there never were any. We don't even know if any of that was for real, Colonel…the navy has always denied that the experiment ever happened."

"Oh for crying out loud, Carter…the air force is still trying to deny the existence of Area 51."

Daniel, now freed from the floor, cautiously raised himself with minimal support, and carefully made his way to his swivel chair, seating himself gingerly on its padding. He placed his head in his hands, not knowing what to do, what to think…afraid even to move. His three friends pulled their stools close to his, a gentle, comforting hand stopping itself from being placed on his shoulder…a benevolent offer of solace denied out of fear of initiating further harm.

The temporary silence was broken by General Hammond. "Doctor Jackson…I want you to have a complete physical in the infirmary, and to remain there overnight. Then, if nothing else occurs, you may return to your quarters and your office. But son …for now, you are confined to the base. Until further notice, you're on standdown from SG-1."

_______________

Daniel knew his nerves were on edge, knew his functioning had been less than top shape the past three days. Hell, how could he study artifacts when he was afraid to touch them? Afraid even to touch the keyboard of his computer, lest his fingers dissolve into the keys. Nothing apart from a momentary and slight dizziness had happened to him since yesterday, but still… his hand had nearly fused with a coffee mug until he had smashed it against the counter, the bits crashing to the floor and leaving him with a tender cut on his thumb and a pounding heart. He dared not yet hope that these events were completely over. Daniel could just imagine what was going to be said at the meeting he'd been called to in General Hammond's office.

When he arrived, looking uncomfortable and feeling like his world was about to shatter along with his nerves, the rest of his teammates were already seated at the small table. Daniel glanced at the floor, unable to meet their eyes.

"Have a seat, son," General Hammond requested gently, and Daniel complied.

"Doctor Jackson, according to Dr. Fraiser, your physical state is fine. But until we know how and why this has been happening, we have to assume that you have reacted badly to gate travel, and what we've observed are the possible side effects. You are therefore relieved from further duty as a gate traveller…"

Daniel had known this was coming, but to actually hear the words, hear the sound of General Hammond's voice cutting him off from his work, from his team, was like an arrow through the heart.

"General," O'Neill cut in harshly, "All this might be over soon, if it isn't already; are you actually considering taking Daniel off active duty permanently?"

"I'm not considering it, Colonel, it's already done…I'm sorry, but we can't risk sending Dr.Jackson through the gate again. We don't know when this might recur, and we can't risk this happening while the team is off-world. For everyone's safety as well as Doctor Jackson's health, I'm sure you can understand that, Colonel." He continued, "Furthermore, this may or may not happen to others eventually, and all personnel going through the gate will be carefully monitored. You're to report any dizziness, anything out of the ordinary, to Dr. Fraiser at once." General Hammond addressed the rest of the team. "If any one of you has the same reaction, all present personnel will be removed from active duty and replaced with fresh teams. These teams will be replaced as well, at specified intervals of two years."

Sam looked down at the table studying her fingers. Jack stared blankly at the general.

"You are cleared to leave the base, Dr. Jackson, if you want, and go home. However, if you do choose to return home, be advised that you're not to leave your apartment. All food orders will be delivered to you, anything else you need, just call and let us know."

An unnatural wave of panic hit Daniel like a fist, and he stared wide-eyed at the general.

"What?" Jack was dumbfounded. "Why?"

"Think of it, Colonel. We can't risk Dr. Jackson going out …going to the supermarket, for instance, and having his hand blend into the grocery cart… or even a box of cereal. It would compromise the security of this entire operation… if the navy attracted attention back in 1943, imagine what the press would do with this. Hell, we can't even have Dr. Jackson driving a car, for his own safety. What if his foot sank into the gas pedal, or his hand into the steering wheel…?"

The vision of Daniel's car crashing attacked Jack's mind with an intensity that he couldn't deal with, and he knew the general was right. Until they were certain this had passed…how long did they have to wait to be sure? Weeks? Years? …Daniel would be in danger.

O'Neill's response was strained. "But that constitutes house arrest, General."

"I'm sorry." Hammond's eyes softened, focussing on Daniel's creased brow, consternation and dismay clouding the archaeologists's blue eyes. "I know this seems harsh, son. But it's for your own good."

The whispered voice was despondent. "Yes …sir …. Maybe. I understand."

_______________

Daniel had spent the last four days at home, mostly reading and looking out the window, up at the sky. What could he hold, touch, work with? It was one thing to have time off and lie around resting; it was another thing to know you were forbidden to do anything but lie around resting. And even lying around frightened him these days …he never knew if he'd wake up intimately connected to his bed, or his sofa. Or would he even wake up, if his body fused too closely? He'd have no way of getting help; he'd be forced to wait until one of his friends decided to call, and that could easily be a day or two; more, if they were off-world, as they were now.

Off-world. What he wouldn't give to be back at work, facing adventurous unknowns, digging up the most unusual cultural remains that this world had ever imagined. Even fighting the Goa'uld didn't seem so horrible now …okay, well maybe that was pushing it. But he was bored, and Daniel missed his friends. He longed for their company, not just a couple of phone calls every day, between missions. There wasn't much to say these days; "How are you?" "Okay. You?" The sounds of their voices energized him each time he'd lift the receiver, but after that there was nothing more to say. He knew they didn't want to make him feel bad for not being there, make him …envious. And he didn't want to ask anything to make himself feel that way, either. Which was everything. So …there was nothing to say. He missed them so much. More so, knowing he could never go back to his team. Right now, he had no sort of life at all. Although he was convincing himself that the effects of the gate anomaly were over and done with, he had that nagging feeling in his mind that there was no way he could ever really be sure.

There was one thing he could do. Finally, Daniel decided this was not recuperation, and a desk job at the SGC would be better than being home. Anything was better than staying home indefinitely. He called for a lift.

_______________

Jack and Teal'c were hanging out in his office again, killing time before their now-approaching mission, at 1300 hours. Sam had apologized for having to get back to work, which had brought a chuckle from Daniel and a glare from Jack. Daniel appreciated the company; there was actually very little he had to do these days, and with his tea …his friends off-world about three days a week, he had been spending a lot of time …well …bored and moping.

Jack consulted his watch. "So, Daniel." He glanced once again at the inscriptions Daniel had been working on for what now, three days? and for once had no bright sarcasm to extend to his friend. He knew Daniel was bored as hell. "Be back before you know it. Watch our backs. Keep the general in line."

Daniel gave Jack a weary look. "I'm fine, Jack. You …just be careful."

"Will do."

Teal'c inclined his head towards Daniel, before following the colonel out of the room.

And for the fourth time in as many weeks, Daniel was left alone to listen to the echoing silence of a small office in a military base, twenty levels deep inside a mountain. How much more out-of-place could he get, he wondered.

_______________

Daniel returned from his stroll to the briefing room, wondering what had just happened. He'd requested, and been allowed, to sit in on the debriefings of all teams returning from off-world, in case he could offer insights and observations from his unique perspective. Mostly, Daniel had requested the assignment to keep him in touch with what was out there, to keep feeling he was a necessary part of the base. It wasn't working. The more Daniel listened to the mission reports first-hand, the more he longed to be with his own team, instead of sitting here worrying about them, counting down the hours until they returned safely. Today, SG-10 had requested their privacy, and asked him to leave.

Daniel sat forlornly behind his desk, computer switched off. He knew this wasn't working. This was a job, true, and every so often his friends were around to talk to. Now and then, photos and videos of ruins needed interpreting. But he wasn't part of a team any longer; he wasn't part of anything. And there weren't that many new cultures out there, needing languages translated. The main reason his linguistic skills had been so useful in the first place was to initiate contact with locals they might meet off-world, and this was never going to happen for him again. It would be like this from now on; there was no way Daniel would ever be allowed back through the gate. No recurrences had arisen lately as a result of the reintegration problem, and though he was no longer allowed to travel to distant worlds, his "stay-at-home, don't-go-out" status on this planet had been withdrawn a week ago, as long as he was "careful", whatever that meant. He was free, now, to live his life. A different life than what he'd been getting used to; one without the Stargate.

For the past three days, since his former team had gone offworld, Daniel had alternated between his office and his apartment, idly pondering his future. These past few weeks he'd mostly stayed on base, so as not to inconvenience those who were still forced to chauffeur him around town. SG-1 was due back soon. After many days of hard and bitter thinking, Daniel had come to the most difficult decision of his life. He had to say good-bye to the SGC.

_______________

Daniel stood looking through the observation window onto a silent gateroom, hoping again that his friends would be home as scheduled, feeling like a father waiting for his teenage daughter to return from a date. He couldn't do this any more; he knew he'd made the right decision.

"Doctor Jackson?" General Hammond was eyeing the official brown envelope on the table, and looked up when Daniel turned around. Daniel caught the movement of his eyes, and frowned slightly.

"Uh, General…" He lifted the envelope and handed it to the commander. "My resignation, sir."

Hammond stood silent for a brief moment. He understood why Daniel was doing this. The energetic, brilliant archaeologist was being stifled in that little room of his, his wonderfully active mind stagnating under the limits now imposed on him. "Are you sure about this, son?"

"Yes. Positive. I've been thinking about this for a long time already."

Hammond took the envelope, and left the room without another word. Daniel turned back to watching the silent Stargate.

_______________

"You don't have to do this." Jack was watching Daniel pack, half-filled boxes scattered about the office. He'd be damned if he was going to lend a hand in helping Daniel get out of the SGC more quickly.

"No, Jack, I don't have to." Daniel paused for a moment in what he was doing.

"But you want to?"

"Yes." He shook his head, and reconsidered his words. "No, Jack. It's not what I really want to do. But I have to."

"What?" Ah, this might be easier than expected, getting Daniel to see the irony in his intentions.

Daniel let out a quiet semi-chuckle. "Jack, I'm going crazy here. I'm a field archaeologist, not a lab technician. I need to work outside, be part of a discovery team, feel the exhilaration of finding something new …as an archaeologist, I know that much of the time nothing new is found, but the thrill of the search…" As his voice faded, Daniel had a far-away look in his eyes, and Jack could see Daniel envisioning himself on some long-past dig, somewhere in the depths of the Sahara.

"Anyway," Daniel went back to stuffing well-wrapped artifacts into cardboard boxes, "I can't stay here and watch things happen around me."

"Like Hammond does? And the other civilians on base?"

"Yes, Jack…like them."

"Oh, come on Daniel…where are you going to go? There's nothing out there that could ever surprise you any more… you're going to find some pottery shard in the Western Desert and say "Wow, look at this, it's got to be at least 2500 years old"? So what, Daniel? What you've been playing with for four years is ten thousand years old."

"I know that, Jack."

"And let's just say you find something relating to the Goa'uld ...what then? You can't tell anyone what it is."

"I know that, too, Jack."

"So …where are you going to go?"

"To help on a dig in the Amazon, Marajo Island. They've found remains of a 3500 year-old culture."

"Brazil?"

"Yes."

"To help? Like in, an assistant?"

Daniel frowned, pausing a long moment before responding. "Look, Jack. I can't get a research grant yet. My name isn't quite …creditable….. So, what Jack? You think I should sit here instead, day after day, staring at what little bit of inscription I get from incoming teams, waiting to hear that on some planet, you and Sam and Teal'c are trapped by some Goa'uld, and knowing I can't do a damned thing to help?" Jack could see the pain in Daniel's eyes, glistening with moisture, even from where he was standing. He hadn't realized quite how hard these last few weeks had been on his friend.

His reply was somber. "No, Daniel. I don't."

Daniel looked at him with relief, needing that slight understanding, some little bit of confirmation that he was doing the right thing.

"You're an archaeologist. I think you should be out there doing what you're good at."

"Thank you, Jack."

"Yeah. Well." Jack came over, slowly helping to put some of the artifacts into their miserable little waiting cages.

_______________

"Where are you going?" O'Neill called after Carter's retreating back. She hadn't taken the news well, and Jack wished he hadn't been the one to give it to her.

"To try and stop him, sir."

"Don't."

Sam stopped and spun around, facing her CO with fiery eyes. "What? …I'm not going to just let him walk out of here without a fight, just because he can't go through the gate any more. Maybe you don't care, but I do. If that's all you think we ever needed him for…!" Her voice was cracking, and Sam stopped her tirade before saying something she'd regret.

There was hurt evident in Jack's quiet voice. "You're wrong, Sam. I'm just letting him do what's best for him, not us. You think I don't want him to stay? Then you really don't know me very well." He paused, and moved to close the distance between them. "Look, Sam. Do you really think he's happy here, sitting in a windowless underground office, day after day taking inventory, waiting for a team to get back that he can't even relate to any more? He's an archaeologist, for crying out loud. He doesn't belong behind a desk any more than Teal'c would. How hard do you want to make this for him?"

Sam stared at Jack for several long moments. In her heart, she heard his words, and knew they were the truth. Daniel was being stifled here, and it was unfair to try to keep him longer, for the selfish reason that she'd miss him if he left. They had to let him go. And they had to make it as easy on him as possible. Silently and slowly, she turned her back on her CO and walked away down the hall.

_______________

"Daniel." Sam lingered in the doorway, then made her way into the room.

Daniel looked over the pile of filled boxes. "Sam." Daniel had been dreading this moment. He knew he should've been the one to tell her, but the team had had the debriefing before he'd had a chance to talk to any of them, and he knew General Hammond had told Jack afterwards. It was his fault; he should've asked the general not to mention it. But deep inside, Daniel thought maybe he'd wanted it this way; maybe he'd wanted to avoid the hurt looks, the accusing voices, the pleas to change his mind. It was easier not having to face his friends.

But now Sam was here. He couldn't avoid her any longer, didn't know if he really wanted to. Didn't know if he was up to facing her yet, either. The moment of truth. "I'm sorry, Sam. I know I should've told you guys myself." Daniel didn't meet her eyes, his gaze focussed on the floor. That ugly discoloured patch where they'd fixed up the hole…

"It's okay, Daniel. I understand."

Daniel looked up. "No trying to change my mind?"

"Do you want me to?"

Yes. Please let me know I've been a part of something special here … tell me I'm family and you still need me… "No, not really."

"Then I won't try to stop you. I know how hard this is for you, Daniel, being on the receiving end of artifacts you'd love to be digging up yourself. You need to do this, Daniel. It's the best thing for you." God, how those words hurt her. But I want you to stay anyway. Please, be part of our discovery of new worlds, even if it's just for me to have someone to talk to… How she wanted to do what was right, what was best for her friend, but to let him go so easily…could she forgive herself, later?

"Thanks." Daniel was experiencing an ambivalence deep within, a relief mixed with hurt, a sorrow born of the knowledge that he was really going to do this, to leave all that had meant so much to him over the past four years, a pain created by the lack of disagreement that never came, that he'd never actually wanted, yet that he wished on some level would happen anyway. Somehow, he wanted just a little bit of an argument, an acknowledgement that Sam would miss him …no, who was he kidding. They would miss him, for a little while, he knew that. But the separation had already begun, once he'd been replaced on the team five weeks earlier. It wouldn't take long for the others to get used to him not being around; out of sight, out of mind. Please go, before I lose it here, Sam. I don't know what I'm heading into, but I sure as hell know who I'm leaving behind.

Daniel continued lifting the boxes onto the trolley. "If you see Teal'c, tell him I want to say good-bye."

God, Daniel. We all want to say good-bye. No, I mean, we don't want to say good-bye at all …but if you're going, we need more than this … you can't go like this…

We should all do something together, Sam thought. Before our mission on Wednesday. Day after tomorrow. She had to give him…herself… that much. "When do you leave?"

"Um…Thursday morning, so I don't have much time. I have to clear out my apartment."

"Oh. Need help?"

Just make a clean break, Jackson. Don't drag this out. They're not obligated to make a big deal out of this, they don't have to help you. "It'll be best if I do this alone, so I can … um… it just will."

Sam shrugged. "Okay, Daniel. If you need anything, let us know." Okay, Sam, out. Any longer in there, and she'd be pleading with him. No, she couldn't do that. It wouldn't be fair. She almost moved to hold Daniel in a tight embrace before leaving the room, but stopped herself. No touching, that little bit of a solidity and reintegration thing…. No physical pressure, he had to be careful. "I'd hug you, Daniel, but I guess it's not a good idea, considering."

He smiled wistfully. "I'd hug you back, Sam."

_______________

Daniel was gone. From the mountain, from the SGC. For ever. Jack leaned back in his sofa and drummed his fingers on his empty beer bottle. A calm, quick farewell at the mountain entrance earlier that day, and then he had disappeared.

It shouldn't have happened this way. Daniel had opened the Stargate, given them all this life, opened up the connection between Earth and every outside world the men and women on this base now owed their careers to. And Daniel was headed into the unknown, alone, because this very Stargate had screwed him, bigtime. Why Daniel?

Jack knew he'd been sitting there for a good two hours, watching his empty beer bottles collecting dust… He didn't care. Nothing mattered a hell of a lot any more. When you never knew from one day to the next what this damn gate travel would throw your way, what was the point?

How long was he going to sit there, pondering life, questioning his own usefulness, remembering the friendship he'd begun to take for granted, before it was broken by his best friend walking through a gateway and falling into a granite step…almost six weeks ago. And now, this friend was alone again, as he'd been for so much of his life. Jack had really thought that Daniel was going to be in this with them for the duration. That Daniel had enjoyed their friendship as much as he had. That Daniel had needed him as much as he had needed Daniel. Maybe he should've made that more clear, more often.

He looked at the phone. He's still in town. Probably needs a break from packing. No, he had to get used to this, couldn't make Daniel feel guilty. For crying out loud, he'd said good-bye only seven hours ago. And Daniel had a whole apartment to pack up, in only two days. And he wanted to do it alone.

Jack got up and went to the fridge for another beer. The sounds of his empty house were magnified now, as he pondered the meaning of loneliness. He was going back to work tomorrow, where he still had Carter, Teal'c,…his team, all his colleagues and acquaintances. Daniel was heading out there, yes, to do what he loved to do, sharing it with …his journals and tape recorder, no doubt. Don't get ridiculous, Jack. Daniel makes friends everywhere he goes. Someone on the dig will take him home. Jack swallowed a mouthful of his newest drink. But it won't be me. And I miss him already.

_______________

Daniel sat on his sleeping bag, his only belonging still left in his empty apartment, if you didn't count the dust and the fly on the countertop, everything else having been put into storage. No time to sell anything, and he'd eventually need it all when he moved in somewhere else anyway. He was glad his fish had a good home with Cassie. His flight was leaving at 9 am via Florida, and the sleeping bag and backpack would be leaving the apartment with him. Daniel settled himself down, not knowing what else to do. It was only 8 pm, he could call Jack… no, SG-1 had gone off-world this morning. Anyway, he no longer had a telephone. God, he was going to miss his friends, even when they no longer missed him.

He wandered over to the fridge. Two slices of bread, milk for an individual cereal box for breakfast. Otherwise, the kitchen was empty. Daniel wandered over to the window. Full circle, he thought. Nothing to do but gaze out a window. Only this time, there was nowhere else to go.

The doorbell rang. Daniel felt his heart flutter…maybe his friends had come home …come to say good-bye? He really wouldn't mind them dropping in right now. In fact, he really would be grateful…

"Daniel Jackson?" The officers in full military dress didn't wait for acknowledgement before pushing their way into the vestibule.

"What's this about?" Daniel didn't know what to think, whether to be worried. Nothing had happened to his friends...?

"I'm Colonel Warren, this is Major Bassett, Pentagon. Dr. Jackson, we'll get right to the point. You've left the SGC. Is this your permanent intention?"

"Yes." The answer sounded heavy and harsh to Daniel's own ears. Somehow, he'd never allowed himself to think of 'forever' as pertaining to himself.

"You're aware you've had access to extremely classified information."

"Of course." Wake up, guys. What did they think, that he'd been walking onto other worlds for four years, not knowing the Stargate was a big secret? "Just because I'm not employed by the military any more doesn't mean I don't realize the significance of the project."

"Well that's good, Dr. Jackson. Then you'll understand that the U.S government doesn't take chances. As of now, the military does not know who you are. You no longer exist in the files, and if you were to tell anyone about the Stargate project, it would be vehemently denied and no records of your having worked for the government will ever be acknowledged." The men eyed him disdainfully. "And if you were to continue with further public communication, we would be forced to take more critical action …if you know what I mean."

Daniel stared incoherently at the two men. What? He had given four years of his life to this organization, hell, he'd been the one to open the Stargate in the first place, and now they were ready to deny ever having known him? To threaten him? He'd heard of this happening to others who had left highly classified projects, but … hadn't he already proven his loyalty? After all, he didn't have to be unemployed to go mouthing off to the outside world, if he'd wanted to.

He barely had time to open his mouth in response, before the two men retreated through his doorway once again. "Have a good evening, Doctor. Enjoy your trip." The men were down the hall long before Daniel could settle his thoughts, or his nerves.

For some reason, without anyone to share this with, and nothing but a deep green sleeping bag lying on the floor of a vast, desolate room, Daniel felt more alone than he had in many, many years. Lowering himself back down onto the bag and leaning his back against the wall, he stared at the ceiling before closing his eyes, trying to make the night hurry up and go away.

_______________

Finally.

The dig had been going on for two months before Daniel's arrival. As the last assistant, three days a week he'd been relegated to a long table in the makeshift lab cataloguing artifacts, but on his days in the field, the exhilaration of digging, of surveying, of attempting to uncover the unknown, gave him a type of thrill that had been lost over the years, rejuvenated only when going off-world to explore ancient ruins or inscriptions…come to think of it, most of his time at the SGC had been exhilarating, making the lab work there bearable. Jack had been right. Nothing he could unearth here would be nearly as thrilling as what he had been doing over the previous four years.

Daniel wondered what SG-1 was uncovering this time around. He would no longer be privy to the knowledge they brought back, nor to the activities of their Goa'uld enemies. If Earth were to be attacked, Daniel would find out along with the rest of Earth's populace. The information was …classified, and Daniel was just a common civilian. The admission of this fact activated a painful longing deep inside, leaving a greater loneliness than Daniel had allowed himself to feel until now. He had hoped that his new colleagues would help him forget his recent past, and ease him out of the despair he felt at having to leave his friends. But the older site archaeologists treated him like an inexperienced novice, while the other assistants were university students who were competitively intent on proving themselves, and had little time to engage in abstract conversation. He knew the feeling.

None of that really mattered any more, though, anyway, Daniel realized as he sat on a bench, watching the local workers siesta around him in the midday heat. He couldn't go back, so this would just have to do. Daniel sighed. This would be like settling for someone… anyone… else, after Sha're. He didn't know if he ever could. He also didn't know how long he could dig up clay pots in the heat and humidity of this Amazonian rainforest.

_______________

Something had been lacking, an enthusiasm, in missions of late, Jack reflected as he sat pondering the next assignment. Daniel would've loved that last one, he thought. A true Mayan-looking city, in full swing. Locals going about their business, oblivious to the quartet of star travellers once they had donned local garb. Somehow, it hadn't been the same without Daniel. That lack of enthusiasm; that was the only way he could describe it. Jack had to admit he missed that. No one to eagerly interpret for them the intricacies of the culture they were witnessing, experiencing firsthand. Even when Daniel's replacement, Dr. Roger Jefferson, had done his best to get friendly with the natives, the rest of SG-1 had the same thoughts going through their minds: how Daniel would've loved this.

Jefferson. Thirty-seven, anthropologist, sociologist, spoke six languages. That was the closest they could come to Daniel? Jack grunted in dismay. Quiet guy, efficient, no noticeable sense of humour. Always managed to look a bit scared, maybe it was a birth defect.

Ah, crap, Jack. Give the guy a break. They could search for a lifetime and not find someone comparable to Daniel. Someone who could understand him. Someone who would want to.

At least Sam seemed reasonably happy; she had someone she could spout off technical babble to and not be tuned out. As for Teal'c… well he was just content to not be ordered to murder unsuspecting innocent villagers on a daily basis.

Jack sighed. Just get on with it. No use wishing for the past back. Yet he couldn't help but wonder at how one person could make such an impact, worm his way into so many hearts without even knowing it. His heart …not an easy task. A unique individual, Danny-boy. At least I had the privilege of knowing him the first time 'round. Most people would never be so lucky.

Yet maybe it was a blessing that Daniel hadn't been with them two weeks ago, when those fumes nearly overtook them on 644. Now, that had been dangerous; they'd barely gotten out of there with all their brain cells intact. At least he didn't have to worry about Daniel any more… maybe that was a good thing.

_______________

"This is your new home, son. Make yourself comfortable." My home … my room… my bed… my mirror… my family… no. Just babysitters. The other kids at the orphanage had made it quite clear that foster folks just kept you for a little while, no one kept you forever unless they were planning to adopt you. He would've settled for almost forever, but all too soon these people had decided to move to another state and couldn't take him with. Once again he was being returned, given back, forced to move on."That's your room. You stay there until I tell you to come out. That's your bed, you share it with Joey." Yes, a brother, a real brother, for the next little while, someone to play with?… but the feelings weren't mutual …he was an intrusion, and there had been so many rules, new rules to remember every day, changing rules, inconsistent, some that didn't make sense, some he couldn't remember, some he didn't want to remember, like the one he'd learned after that raw egg slipped out of his hand, messing up the floor…

He'd been afraid to handle a raw egg for years after that. Among other things.

Daniel hadn't realized he was still awake, lost again in contemplation, nor that the images in his mind were sorrowful. The loss of his friends had set off a chain reaction of long forgotten memories, of a childhood locked in loneliness, of escaping into his mind and his studies rather than face the outside world by himself. During his lengthier stays at the orphanage he'd tried to comfort the younger ones. Made sure that anyone crying had a hand to hold. Took the blame for them sometimes, to protect them from punishment. A childhood promise made to himself that he'd never be the one to emotionally or physically harm another living being. The little ones had clung to him for emotional sanity, for hope, even while his own was dying. He had been so abruptly thrust into adulthood that he never knew the concept behind playtime, and one could not make meaningful friends when being bounced from one location to another. Daniel had learned early on how to not only take care of himself, but also how to pull himself back together when life had hurt too much.

Now, over the past four years, he had earned another family, one he had dared not count on to remain forever, yet had hoped would never fade from his life. People who actually wanted him around. A family he had just voluntarily walked away from. Why?

Here he was again, the usual place in his life, putting career before friends. He had never really known how to handle having friends, after growing up believing in the one truth: that friends never stayed around for as long as you needed them. Was he just so used to that belief that he was making sure to leave first? Did it hurt less that way? Or was his career really that important? No, not career; his Search. He was searching again, but was unsure whether it was really a quest for Earth's unknown past, or one for his own past, one that had eluded him the whole time he was growing up. Daniel hesitated, wondering if this endless need for discovery was just an avoidance of acceptance of his own lost youth and family bonds. The Eternal Search; was this how he would continue forever… looking for nothing he had left to find? Or had he already found it, and left it behind?

Who was he kidding. SG teams were emotionally close because of the life and death situations they were thrust into on an almost daily basis, lives depending on one another, uncertainties of whether they would all return from each new mission alive and healthy. SG-1 wasn't close to the lab technicians on base, the computer operators, the maintenance crews, the researchers … heck, they weren't even that close to the other SG teams. And they would be distanced from him, now, as well, even if he returned to a desk job. They'd still be risking their lives and taking care of each other, protecting Earth, while he'd be safe and cozy reaping the benefits of that protection. No, he could always return to the base, but he could never go home again.

Daniel tried to keep his eyes closed. He needed a grant, needed to go out on his own dig.

Why? What remained out there for him to find? Proof of his theories? Even if he were to find evidence of 10,000-year-old aliens in the middle of Egypt, the military would jump quickly in sending someone like Roger Jefferson to snatch it away from him before he could say a word.

Kasuf would accept him. He could ask to spend the rest of his life with what was left of his short-lived family on Abydos.

Except he might not survive the trip through the Stargate.

Maybe it would be worth the risk.

Daniel remained awake for a long while, trying to quell his uncertainties and make sense of his emotions. He could return to his quarters to sleep, or stay out here in the hammock under a cone of mosquito netting, listening to the night creatures and gazing at the stars. So plentiful, like looking at daylight through a flimsy lace veil. One of those beckoning lights might at this very moment be harbouring his friends… if he looked closely he might see them, natives coming tentatively forward, Jack's voice warning, "Carter, Teal'c, stay alert…" Out of concern for them, wanting only for them to be safe, always safe. Then, "Roger… you're on."

His thoughts stilled for the moment, released into the humid night air and translated into the ghostly echoes of a howler monkey. This was home now, and that eery cry was informing all the living creatures in this smothering tropical forest.

_______________

Small local boats being the only means of transport along the tributaries, the nearest towns were not easily or frequently accessed by this archaeological group. But now, after three weeks, Daniel was getting his chance to go along to replenish supplies. He'd be able to use the phone… if he could get through… if the SGC would accept a long distance call from him, or any call at all… if SG-1 was not off-world… he'd finally get to talk to his friends. He'd tried to convince himself just to let go of them; after all, he'd never needed to call anyone on any other past digs. But that had been different; there hadn't been any one to call in the first place. Daniel was nervous. What if they didn't really want to talk to him?

It took three tries to finally get through to the U.S and Colorado, then a nerve-wracking eight minutes trying to reach someone at the base who would take responsibility for giving him SG-1's whereabouts, during which time Daniel was convinced he'd be disconnected. Something about a ten-minute limit, and not a lot of time in town before the boat left. Finally, he heard Jack's voice.

"Jack?"

"Daniel??"

"Jack? It's …so good to hear your voice."

"Hey - you too! How're you doing, Danny?" Low static filtered his words.

"Um …fine, Jack. The dig's going well. This is the first chance I've had to use a phone, though."

"Ah! First chance, and you call me. I'm flattered."

"Yeah. How are things there, Jack? The others?"

"We're doing great, Daniel. Went to a cool Mayan place the other day. Thought of you."

"You did? Um, how's …uh …Roger Jefferson, that his name?"

"He's doing okay. Learning to cope with my charismatic side."

"Yeah, I'll bet." Daniel smiled. "Uh-oh, looks like I have to go, Jack. I think they're about to cut me off. Something about time limits."

"Sure, Daniel. Good hearing from you. Glad you're happy."

"Yeah. Happy… glad you're all still … alive, Jack."

As the line went dead, Daniel couldn't tell if he felt better or worse than he had yesterday.

______________

"Come in, Carter." Jack noticed Sam wasn't moving from her post in the doorway. "Shields are down, Major. You can step through."

Not receiving the response he'd liked, O'Neill tried again. "Something else I can help you with?"

"I'm worried about Daniel, sir."

"He's a big boy, Major. Been taking care of himself his whole life. You heard him, he's doing fine." Better than us, probably.

"No, sir, it's not about that." Sam moved into the room, approaching Jack's desk. Without sitting, she continued, "I was looking over those supposed results of that naval experiment again, sir. The side effects…" she paused.

"Go on."

"Well…those who were affected, some of them took up to six months to get back to normal. But others were still experiencing after-effects up to ten years later, phasing in and out of reality. And that's not even the worst part."

"I'm still listening, Major."

"Most of them eventually went insane, sir."

Jack was staring, not moving. His voice was subdued. "So you think Daniel's still in trouble?"

"I don't know, Colonel. This wouldn't be exactly the same thing… a lot of things are different here; for instance, their materialization took an hour, in some cases up to a full day. It only took Daniel a couple of minutes. Also, they were able in most cases to temporarily bring the men back by touching them."

"Touching? You said not to do that!"

"I know, sir. I still think it's a bad idea, we might have ended up blending into Daniel, and in that case we'd be stuck forever."

"Nope, much as I'd like to keep Daniel safe by my side, Major, can't say as I'd like to be stuck to him forever. See, I'd be fishing, and he'd be trying to scoop up the stones in the river for further investigation…"

"Colonel!"

A slight shrug of the shoulders and tilt of the eyebrow indicated an apology.

"There was another way they seemed to help those men, but it required about five million dollars' worth of highly complicated electronic equipment, which I can't seem to find any records of, sir."

"Keep looking, Major. In the meantime, I guess all we can do is hope that Daniel … what? … doesn't go mad?… Sweet."

"I, uh, think we should warn him, sir."

"Carter, he's out in the jungle…"

"Rainforest."

"…he's out in the rain forest. I don't think the cord between tin cans actually stretches that far."

"I mean the next time he calls, Colonel."

"If and when he calls, Major, I'll be sure to ask him if he's had any psychotic episodes lately."

"Fine, sir. He'll appreciate your wording, I'm sure."

As Carter retreated to do whatever it was scientists do when they weren't expounding their theories to unsuspecting victims, Jack found himself frowning, pondering these latest warnings. Crap. Even out in the Brazilian jungle Danny's not far enough away from the Stargate to be safe.

_______________

As Sam's printer hummed away, spitting out another half dozen pages of wild goose chase and futile treasure hunts, Sam found herself, for the zillionth time, worrying about Daniel.

God, she missed him. Overwhelmed with guilt for letting him down so badly, she berated herself for being unable to master quantum and electrogravitational mechanics…

Roger was a nice guy, easy to talk to. But every time she looked at him, his hazel eyes transformed into wide, interested, attentive blue ones, brimming with intelligence and over-eager curiosity, intense sincerity and sentiment, and then returned to their semi-comprehending hazel ones far too quickly. And then she'd realize that she wasn't really standing there talking to Daniel.

_______________

Teal'c's closed eyelids filtered out the flickering candlelight, as he urged his consciousness to open itself to the creature within. Yet once again, the initial images were of the soft, gentle features of Daniel Jackson. Teal'c knew it should've been better for himself this way, to be distanced from the man to whom he had caused so much heartache. No longer having to look upon the young man's forgiving face and caring eyes, Teal'c should now be able to forget the emotional pain he had inflicted, and move on to forget and forgive himself.

Yet he continued to close his eyes in Kel'no'reem and see the image of his good friend. And he realized that while distance would never succeed in concealing his feelings, he himself did not want to forget… he wished always to retain within himself a memory of the goodness and friendship offered to him by Daniel Jackson…

_______________

The darkness came early, here, daylight lingering not much longer than night. Daniel watched the artificial glow of the low-watt bulbs casting shadows on the artifacts spread out on the tables surrounding him. The other archaeologists had gone, leaving the assistants to catalogue more of the day's finds.

Daniel stirred up another instant coffee for himself. You'd think one could get a good cup of coffee at least, here in Brazil. But then, a good cup of coffee would lead him to want good conversation, and striking up conversations here had been difficult, to say the least. Daniel was having trouble feeling as exuberant as the others, over a few bits of broken pots. Was this how Jack always felt when I got so excited about off-world finds? I forgive you, Jack. And if they'd known his thoughts… he had his own theories about this culture and its decline. Having seen a few artifacts with similar designs on a world oh so very far from here, Daniel was becoming convinced that these inhabitants had come here attempting to flee from the Goa'uld, without success. Being unable to voice his theories, and unable to agree with the archaeologists he was working with, Daniel kept silent, longing even more strongly for his absent friends. This life, this profession, Daniel realized, would get nothing but harder from now on.

As Daniel perched on the edge of his bench, mesmerized by the flickering of the dim lamplight, contemplating his future rather than the ancient clay bits lying on the mat in front of him, he felt a familiar buzz passing through his body. A wave of dizziness overcame him, and he gasped, realizing the elbow he had been leaning on was now intent on passing through the surface of the lab table. Jumping rapidly off of his seat, Daniel yanked his arm free and glanced around the room to see if the others had noticed. Deep in their own investigations, they had looked up only when Daniel's sudden movement caught their attention. Daniel breathed a sigh of relief, one that was short-lived. He knew he had to get out of there. Whatever had happened to him was not yet over. He couldn't imagine having to explain to these people - these curious archaeologists - how his arm had happened to get caught in a wooden piece of furniture. He shuddered, vividly recalling the less-than-charming warning of his military visitors. He had to get out of South America and back to the SGC before this happened again. This time, Daniel knew, he would be nothing more to the SGC than a frightened lab rat.

_______________

The flight had been tiring, more so since he hadn't slept the night before, having been hours early so as not to miss the boat into town. He hadn't been able to get a boat out right away, and the three nights and two days since his elbow had decided to rearrange the molecules of a wooden table had been filled with worry. Having been prematurely conned into a false sense of security, Daniel once again was afraid of touching anything, sitting down, falling asleep, driving… Daniel was suffering from jet lag and tension when he pulled up in his rental car at the entrance to Cheyenne Mountain.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Jackson. You're not authorized to enter this facility."

Another sigh. Seems he'd been doing that a lot lately. And god, he was tired. "Get General Hammond on the phone, then. Please."

The call took several minutes, and Daniel was finally issued with a temporary entry pass. "You'll meet your escort at the main entrance," he was told.

Daniel was escorted to the lowest level of the SGC, after again having his pass checked on sub-level eleven, and guided to where General Hammond had his office. The general rose at the sight of Daniel, his lips forming a gentle smile.

Daniel didn't look so well, face drawn and tired eyes, but my, it was good to see the young man again. Had he only been gone five weeks? "Doctor Jackson, welcome back, son. What can I do for you?"

"Um, …I had another, um… occurrence, General. My arm went through the table at the excavation site. I thought I'd better get back here."

The general stared at him for a moment before speaking. "I'm sorry, son. We really had hoped this was over for you."

"Do they have any new theories on it, General?" Daniel hoped.

"None. But it looks like we'll have to make it our first priority again."

So, they hadn't even been working on it. Out of sight, out of mind, Daniel thought bitterly.

_______________

"Just couldn't stay away, could you." Jack's voice came from the doorway of the VIP quarters where Daniel was unpacking his meager personal items. The grin on the CO's face matched Daniel's. Danny. You have no idea how good it feels to have you here.

Sam and Teal'c were right behind him, Sam's lips stretching into a smile that brightened the room, in Daniel's opinion. "Hey, Daniel. We just heard you'd come back."

"Yeah, Carter here tried to set a speed record for dashing up the stairs."

"You still got here before I did, sir," the major joked back. As she moved to throw outstretched arms around Daniel's neck, the archaeologist moved out of reach.

"Don't, Sam. It's happening again."

She stopped abruptly, pained eyes widening. "Oh god, Daniel. I'm so sorry."

For a moment no one said a word, and Daniel found he couldn't meet the eyes of these people he had so longed to see again. He wanted to throw his arms around each one of them, but this homecoming wasn't exactly putting him in the frame of mind he so badly needed right now.

"So. How's my replacement?" Daniel didn't really want to know.

"Not as smart as you."

"So you're happier, then?" Daniel couldn't help it, the quip just came out. Jack gave him a withering look.

"We've missed you, Daniel," Sam put forth.

"You have?" Daniel queried. That was something colleagues were supposed to say, weren't they?

"Yes, Daniel. We have." Jack definitely sounded sincere. Daniel studied his face. Surely they hadn't missed him as much as he'd missed them. After all, they'd still had each other.

"I guess I'm the guinea pig here, now. You haven't had much opportunity to study this without me around."

"I have been working on it, Daniel. Not just for you, but in case this ever happens again to anyone else. So far we've been lucky, everyone's been fine. But I'm making no headway," Sam explained. "The physics of this is way beyond me; it's something the Tollans might know about, but we "primitive Earthlings" might not solve the riddle of walking through walls for decades, even centuries."

Jack swung around to face Carter. "Wait a minute there. The Tollans could walk through walls. Daniel even went with them…. They might have the answer to this, then."

"I rejected that idea weeks ago, sir."

"The Tollans refuse to share any of their technological knowledge, O'Neill." Teal'c had remained quiet, watching SG-1's reunion with a mixture of joy and sorrow. As happy as he was to see his former teammate, he knew Daniel's predicament was not an optimistic one.

"Yeah, yeah. But if we ask them to help Daniel ... without actually sharing any technology, don't you think maybe… maybe they would?" Jack asked the others.

"How would they do that, Jack? Help me using their technology, without sharing their…technology?"

"How should I know? We can cross that bridge when we come to it. It doesn't hurt to ask now, does it? Far as I can see, they still owe us one for saving their damn planet in the first place …without their technology."

The others were silent, staring at each other. Finally Sam spoke softly. "No sir, it can't hurt to ask."

The Tollans had helped Skaara, they had used their technology without sharing it, had made it clear over time what types of knowledge they actually held. Certainly, if they could help Daniel, would even they have little enough heart to deny him that? But Daniel couldn't go through the Stargate, and the Tollans would never voluntarily bring their equipment to Earth… they still had so little trust, and the NID fiasco hadn't warmed their hearts any. But… maybe Daniel had.

_______________

The Tollans listened patiently to the SG-1 team members, which now included a replacement for Doctor Jackson, explaining why they had come.

"…so I know you don't intend to give away any of your secrets, but if you could just help us figure out what's wrong with Daniel, we'd be very grateful." Sam concluded her carefully prepared plea. "Please. He can't live like this. If you have anything that could help…" her voice trailed off, thoughts unfinished.

The pause was brief. The Tollan high council had already been considering this for several minutes, while Major Carter had been speaking. "We do," High Chancellor Trevel replied.

The heads of the four team members before her lifted simultaneously, an electrical charge being felt in the air consisting of hope and optimism.

"You do?" Jack repeated.

"Yes. Come, follow me."

The Tollan leader took the group outside, to where their Stargate sat glinting in the bright sunshine.

"Do you see that small device above the central symbol?" The Chancellor indicated where to look. "That is our guarantee that what you have described does not occur here. You see, it is not uncommon for reintegration to be interfered with. You are very lucky that this is the first time you have encountered it. Over the centuries of our Stargate usage, we have found the need to control the transportation process as essential as the Stargate itself."

"And this mechanism…?" Sam began.

"It aids the stabilization of the molecules of the human form as they are passing through the gateway, by protecting one's energy field from excessive electromagnetic activity…"

"Which would be bombarding us throughout the trip through the wormhole," Sam completed the other woman's thoughts.

"Yes… and especially upon re-entering a planet's gravity."

"Why did this only happen to Daniel, though?"

"It could be that Dr. Jackson's molecular structure was imperceptibly modified by his previous experience involving the Tollans on your world."

"When he went through the wall?" Jack clarified.

"According to Daniel, sir, he also went through a wall on Kheb," Sam added.

The High Chancellor nodded. "Agreed. This may have aided in speeding up the process for Dr. Jackson."

"Would you be willing to show us how to construct one of those devices?" Sam asked timidly.

"We would be willing to give you one of them; they can be used for nothing other than their intended purpose. They cannot serve as weapons of any sort."

Stifling a surprised choke, Jack asked the next question foremost on all of their minds. "And Daniel? He's already been affected."

"This would not matter. As soon as he passes through the gateway, he will once again be in balance, the previous effects being readjusted. Once you have connected this device, each time any passenger goes through your Stargate they will be guaranteed a safe reintegration process on either side. You have nothing to worry about." As an afterthought, she remarked, "You should have come to us sooner."

Jack, Sam, and Teal'c all threw her a look of disbelief. Roger Jefferson was unaware of the irony in the woman's remark.

"You haven't exactly been open to us asking these things," Jack commented.

The High Chancellor smiled. "No. You are correct, we have not."

"Well kids, what do you say we go and give Daniel the news?" Jack was cheerfully heading towards the DHD, ready to plug in the coordinates himself. Sam couldn't help throwing a grin in Teal'c's direction; he, too, was smiling.

_______________

Less than two hours later, four hopeful teammates were strolling up the ramp eagerly, and nervously, in Daniel's case, very ready to pass through the open wormhole. The Tollan device had been attached to the top of the naquada circle, and all were hoping the Tollans' bodies weren't too different from their own. If so, who knew what trouble they were getting Daniel into. But if this worked…he'd be back on the team if he wanted, and Dr. Roger Jefferson would be back on desk duty.

The team exited on Cimmeria, this being a quick round-tripper. All eyes were on Daniel, and breaths were audibly released when he appeared whole and upright, grinning broadly.

"Once more, for cumulative repair?" Jack asked.

"Once more," Sam responded, already making her way to the DHD.

As the wormhole connected with their own world and Daniel shakily keyed in their GDO signal, Sam grabbed one of Daniel's arms, and, with a wide smile, she leaned up and kissed his cheek gently. "I think it's okay now, Daniel."

"Let's go through, just to be sure," he commented, thrilled deep inside that he was finally going to be back where he belonged. Home? Words had not been invented in any language that could accurately express the sensations of excitement and emotional turbulance penetrating the depths of Daniel's being.

Jack took Daniel's other arm. "No kisses," he remarked, smirking,"although the way I'm feeling right now…"

Daniel pulled them all through the wormhole.

The teammates arrived on the home side of the gate, arm in arm, grinning madly. The awaiting crew of the SGC exploded into their own smiles, accompanied by wild applause.

Sam let go of Daniel's arm, and threw her own arms around his neck.

"It's about time," he managed to whisper, before the tears slid down his cheeks.

"It is indeed, Daniel Jackson" acknowledged Teal'c.

Jack waited patiently for his friend to be released from Sam's suffocating grip. That couldn't be good for Daniel, now, could it? Jack realized he was still grinning. Probably wouldn't even be able to get rid of that grin in this lifetime, he thought. His mummified body would one day be dug up, causing a worldwide sensation and speculation over the mysterious smiling man. Sam clung to Daniel as Jack waited … waited… and as he did so, he became aware that his team was whole again at long last. He had never dared hoped this day would come, never allowed himself to even consider it, until the events of the past few hours. And it had been his idea. Finally, he had done something useful for Daniel. Finally. And finally, Sam released her hold on their fourth teammate. Jack wasted no time in placing his friend in his own tight embrace, one that was eagerly reciprocated.

"Damn right, it's about time. Felt like forever, Danny."

_______________

"You're sure you want to do that?"

Daniel looked up from unpacking his books. "What?"

"Unpack. I mean, shouldn't you be out there digging up Brazil?"

"Like in, an assistant, Jack? Um …I don't think so."

"Hey, I thought you were happy out there."

"You thought wrong."

Jack regarded Daniel intently for a moment. He'd known that, suspected it, when Daniel had jumped at the chance to return to SG-1, but he couldn't help teasing him all the same. "You missed my …charismatic side, huh?"

Daniel hesitated. "All sides, actually."

Jack took a seat, still studying his friend. "Glad you came back."

"Yes, I am."

"No, I mean, I'm glad you came back."

"Oh. Thanks. That means a lot to me, you know."

The books neatly arranged on the shelves, Daniel settled down to relax. He wasn't sure whether to mention this… just leave it alone, Jackson. There was no need… "They threatened me."

Jack's attention was piqued. "Who?"

"People from the Pentagon. If I told about the Stargate."

Jack's eyes narrowed into a cold stare. Of course they had. They wouldn't ignore someone with the kind of knowledge Daniel had. It wasn't unknown, hell it was pretty common, actually, when dealing with top secret information. Never mind what the man had done for them over the years. "Bastards."

The room grew silent. As Daniel contemplated the way things had turned out, his good fortune in getting both his job and his family back, he could now easily forgive. "It's okay. I really … I just really needed to say that."

So, Daniel had needed to talk? Someone to talk to, someone who was willing to listen. Jack thought he understood. All this time, Daniel had needed him. Maybe as much as he had needed Daniel? Maybe he should make that last part a little more clear, a little more often.

"Daniel?"

"Yeah?"

"…nothing. I'm just glad you're back."

For now, he'd just enjoy the presence of his friend. He'd get started on that other bit, mmm… maybe tomorrow. Maybe.

Yes, Daniel would be there tomorrow.

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